Top Ten Signs It’s Time to Get in Better Shape

If you’re a guy and these things have happened to you, it’s time to shape up.

Cartoon by Lambert-King

As we’ve gotten older, a lot of us have put on a few pounds. Our doctor has probably told us we need to lose weight. Of course, often our doctor is carrying around a few extra pounds himself. Personally, I tend to dismiss doctors as professional body shamers, but sometimes things happen that you can’t ignore.

Sure, I see pictures of myself and find comfort in knowing that the camera adds ten pounds. I actually think some cameras, the really good ones, can add twenty or thirty pounds. Mirrors can do the same thing. Sometimes scales can be miscalibrated. Having said that, while doctors, cameras, mirrors, and scales can be dismissed. Here are the top ten signs you need to lose weight:

10: You inadvertently win a wet t-shirt contest.

So, you get caught out in the rain, stumble into a sports bar, and they’re having a wet t-shirt contest. Even though you haven’t entered, you’re declared the winner. That’s a sure sign you need to get those man boobs under control. The $50 prize isn’t enough to overcome the shame of your victory.

9: You refuse to join a twelve-step program because it sounds like too much exercise.