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The Real Reason Pluto is no longer a Planet

Larrylambert
3 min readMar 8, 2021

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This could be my springboard to a career with Fox News.

Image: Unsplash/NASA

In my continual quest to delve into subjects nobody cares about, here’s another one: Why is Pluto no longer considered a planet? Sure there is the official story, but what’s the real scoop? After all, this is the era of alternate facts, so I’ll take it upon myself to present some. Let’s start with the cover story.

To begin with, there are three criteria that need to be met to be classified as a planet. I’ve done extensive research to determine these criteria. By extensive research I mean I’ve checked Wikipedia for the info. Here they are.

1. The object in orbit must be around the Sun.

2. The object must be massive enough to be rounded by its own gravity. More specifically, its own gravity should pull it into a shape defined by hydro static equilibrium. (huh?)

3. It must have cleared the neighborhood around its orbit.

Pluto has run afoul of rule three. Apparently, there’s a lot of debris in Pluto’s orbit. Seems like Pluto has a little too much junk in the trunk. Maybe if Pluto went on an episode of, “Hoarders”, it would help. But, alas, the other of the original nine planets has shown any inclination to help

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Larrylambert
Larrylambert

Written by Larrylambert

You probably don't know my name, but have likely seen my work. I've written for numerous syndicated cartoon strips and my gags have appeared in national pubs.

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