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10 Requirements for a Certified Retirement City

Larrylambert
4 min readNov 15, 2024

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And are they really a great place to retire?

Photo by Vlad Sargu on Unsplash

In our recent journey from Florida to Oklahoma we spent the night in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. My wife noticed a sign that proclaimed Hattiesburg as a, “certified retirement city.” I wondered what the criteria was for that.

I discovered a handful of states have designated some cities as certified retirement centers. My initial thought was it was a way for Mississippi to gather old people in a big group so Brett Favre could fleece them, but it turns out that’s not the case.

After sorting through some info, it seems that the designation certified retirement center means that the cities are affordable, have a low crime and tax rate and are generally old people friendly.

Well, that’s all well and good but below are what the requirements should be.

1: Turn signals should be used at all times.

Even if you aren’t making a turn. That way it removes the stigma of forgetting to turn your signal off. Would that make driving more hazardous? Sure, but that’s a small price to pay when it comes to maintaining geezer dignity.

2: No business shall have calls go to voice mail.

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Larrylambert
Larrylambert

Written by Larrylambert

You probably don't know my name, but have likely seen my work. I've written for numerous syndicated cartoon strips and my gags have appeared in national pubs.

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